FREE-lancer vs. GU-RU boxing match
- Filip Pelczar
- Feb 25
- 2 min read
“Laaaaaadies, aaaaaaand gentleman, I’m pleased to welcome you to theeee FIIIIIGHT OF THE NIGHT, leeeeeet’s greeeeet our fighters!!!”
From left side of the arena walks out the first fighter -
- a wimpy looking teenager rocking the over-popularised “broccoli” haircut, going by the name of “FREE-lancer”.
And as soon as he enters the ring, from right side of the arena walks out the second fighter -
- bald, unnaturally muscular guy (even though he swears to have never used steroids), surrounded by 13 girls (escorts he paid), and two Lamborghinis (both rented for the next hour), who calls himself “GU-RU”.
“Tonight! We will FINALLY see who really is ‘the best’ person YOU can trust with YOUR marketing and brand! Whether you should put all your trust in the barely-of-legal-age FREE-lancer or the GU-RU whose last time telling the truth was 14 years ago!
…
Let’s BEGIN!”
The fight starts…
The FREE-lancer makes the first move and throws a jab while screaming:
“I WILL WRITE YOU A 3 EMAIL SEQUENCE FOR FREEEEEEE!”
To which the GU-RU responds by swiftly ducking the punch and throwing a powerful liver-shot as he screams his lungs out:
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY 100% PROVEN FORMULA MIGHT NOT FIT YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH” - the FREE-lancer screams as he flies out of the ring right into sitting in the first row, Filip Pelczar.
“Kurwa mać!” - the Polish copywriter outrages as he looks down right onto a spilled cup of warm tasty liquid…
“Mate, you’ve spilled my fucking coffee…
…my precious fucking coffee…
GET IN THAT RING! BOTH OF YOU! NOW!”
Both - the FREE-lancer and the GU-RU smirk convinced that they can finally wipe the floor with this notoriously annoying copywriter who refuses to choose whose side he is on.
But as he steps his foot into the ring…
THEIR SMILES FADE INSTANTLY
Because instead of squaring up in a boxing match against them
He smoothly reaches into his pocket…
AND PULLS OUT AN ALMOST-100-YEARS-OLD VIS PISTOL
Horror appeared on their faces as he started his villainous monologue:
“You see mate…I prefer using TAILORED and PERSONALISED strategies - both in business and in fights - which is something you both fail to grasp…and there’s nothing more suited for dealing with two pieces of human rubbish than a good ol’ pistol…”
“WAIT! - PLEASE D-”
💥BANG💥
“Nice, only the GU-RU left now…”
“STOP! I’M SURE WE CAN FI-”
💥BANG💥
The second aggressor goes out with a loud gun-shot as Filip grabs the announcer’s mic and starts to rant:
“People of business, listen to me!
I know that all of you came here to see who could get YOUR brand better results…
And I have an answer for you -
- It is…and always has been…
…
ME!”
Suddenly lights in the arena go out and when they turn back on…
Filip Pelczar is nowhere to be found.
But you see that HE DROPPED SOMETHING IN THE RING.
Commentaires